The True Journals of a Farmer
by ProtoBlues
Summary: [Friends of Mineral Town] These are the true thoughts of Jack as he goes through a day in his life, noticing things like little green men who walk through fences to throw magic dust on his cows.


After obsessively play Friends of Mineral Town, I thought, 'If only I could actually respond to what the villagers say...' And so, I have created this, which is basically just a journal that states everything that happens to my character in one day... Just put in a more humorous (and truthful) way.

**The True Journals of a Farmer**

Waking up from bed, I sulked over to my wife, Karen who, for some odd reason, was up and about at 6 in the morning. What's her problem? Shouldn't she be sleeping until 8 to something?

"Morning, Jack! Looks like another sunny day!" she exclaimed while blushing.

I blinked, "Why are you blushing?"

"Err... N-no reason! There's so much I want to do... I don't know where to start!" she continued blushing.

'There's so much you want to do? All you do is walk around aimlessly in the house, or walk around aimless in the supermarket!' I thought. If I had spoken it out loud, I'm sure I would get slapped. Karen sometimes has drunken hissy fits in the morning...

I ran out of my house and into a small fenced area where my 10 cows and sheep were. I reminded myself to make a bigger fence and plant more grass to shove the other 6 in so I wouldn't have to do the boring job of feeding them.

I walked up to each animal and told them they looked happy, of which they knew without me telling them. But it makes them like me, so why not? I also had to brush them. Strangely enough, I brushed them in the wrong direction and they didn't seem to care at all.

After I finished brushing and talking to them, a little green man, who looked like a dwarf with elf ears, walked right through the fence and proceed to throw magic dust onto my animals and transport the milk from their body into the shipping bin, which was quite far, seeing that it took 5 minutes to run to.

I walked over to the chicken's fenced area, leaving Rumpelstiltskin to feed and milk the cows and sheep.

I picked each chicken and threw them on top of each other. I'm not sure why, but they love being thrown from 5 feet in the air.

Nearby the chicken's fence was a lush green clump of grass. I ran over, pulled it and dropped it from above my head. It's ritual to hold things above my head before dropping it. Magically, it blinked out of existence.

Just then, the green midget came and started spreading magic dust on the eggs, evaporating them into thin air. His buddies were using a different colored magic dust to turn vaporized water into liquid water over my crops. And they were walking all over my crops to water other crops! But I think they're floating, so it's all okay. My crops aren't getting damaged.

I grab a basket triumphly over my head to begin my daily summer forage. I grabbed a few different colored grasses that looked more like bendable paintbrushes tangled together. I also found a wild grape that supposedly came from nowhere and replenished itself daily. The tree overhead has no fruit at all. Maybe someone's trying to let me earn money...

Then, I ran to the hot springs, which had a pond nearby where some lazy goddess sleeps in all day long. I wonder why her skin doesn't prune...

Anyways, I grabbed a flower that looked like it was wilting and threw into the pond. There was a bright flash and the goddess came up. And yet, the two women right next to me, Ann and Popuri, don't seem to notice a thing. The goddess floats in midair above the water in a Buddha pose, thanking me for my gift and asking me if I would like to connect to a GameCube. I think she's in the wrong place. Except for the TV Shopping Channel, Mineral Town doesn't sell electronics.

Running up to Mother Hill, I greeted the Doctor who was on his way out. He had said, or at least, implied, that he had picked up all the herbs. Sighing, I was about to leave, when I noticed an herb he left. I picked it up, only to have another herb in my range of vision. And another. And a wild grape even though there weren't any fruit bearing trees nearby.

I saw an unusually large rock and I inspected it. Somehow, I subliminally knew that I couldn't break this sone (Spelling error intended) with my hammer yet.

I ran up to the tree on my way back to the shipping bin and grabbed some honey that was bigger than the whole hive. I wonder why the bees haven't died yet from lack of food...

Finally, after shipping my foraged items, I ran to Mineral Beach, which had no minerals at all, just ores. I picked up more odd colored grass and gave it to the other midgets who lived in a hut behind a church. After telling them to work their ass off for me, I giddily went to the church to confess a sin I had never commited. This time, it was, "I don't care for my animals." The priest guy said a lot of stuff, then said I was forgiven and shoved me out the door. What a mean priest...

I strolled over to the supermarket to talk to my wife, who invited me to hang out in a boring place like the Supermarket. Then she said that she would be back by evening while blushing. Either she has no control over her cheek pigments, or she's thinking about bad stuff. Or maybe she's just drunk like always.

I visited the Mayor next door to the supermarket. He said something about depending on me to grow his food. He should grow his own food. I mean, look at all the wasted space used for flowers!

A thought occurred to me, do these people eat meat? I only fish in the winter when I have nothing better to do, and it's apparently illegal to kill my livestock. Besides, axes, hammers, and hoes don't hurt them. I'm not sure why. No matter how many times I try, their heads just won't roll off...

Greeting Ellen next, she commented that I was sweating. No, I'm not! I'm not even down to half my stamina! Who are you kidding, you old hag? You need new eye prescriptions. Then Stu talked rapidly to me, most of which I didn't hear. But I did hear that May was going out with someone's grandfather... Ew! Nasty!

Next, I visited Mary, who Gray was also visiting. I talked to both of them, but I stayed away from Gray because he started grinning like an idiot. Although Mary was strange too. She asked me if married life was easier than bachelor life. Why does she want to know? _Now_ she has a crush on me? Sheesh. I can't believe she's trying to cheat on Gray even though they've had three romantic scenes of which I 'accidentally' saw. Manna hinted to me about them. She has the juiciest gossip when it comes to romance. Otherwise, she talks too much.

I walked into the pub to socialize, since the Wives Club at Rose Square only allowed wives in. Hmm, I should ask Karen to pick up some gossip for me...

I talked to Ann and she asked me how my wife was. Why are all the girls hitting on me! I wish they did this before I got married...

I visited Doug in the kitchen, who was standing in front of a sink. However, he was hallucinating (Must've drank too much wine) and said he was cooking and for me to watch out for the fire. He also said he was busy, even though he was just standing there, staring into nothingness.

I visited the Poultry Farm to talk to Lilia and hope she would let me upstairs. No luck. However, Popuri said, "What are you doing here? You're married now. Go home to your cute wife!"

How strange for her to say that. I mean, this _is_ a store. And I do have chicken. What's her problem? I hope she's not hitting on me too... The only normal one is Elli. Actually, scratch that. She's always talking about the nameless Doctor.

I decided to skip Barley, since we were already friends. Wait, or is his name Barely? Nevermind. We were still good friends. And Basil and his wife whose name I can't remember were out... Oh, well, I need to pull some weed...

While riding my horse around because I thought I looked cool, Zack came and took everything in my shipping bin despite the fact that he didn't have a bag or anything. Perhaps he stole some midget's magic dust? But then Zack started talking to me in Japanese. I didn't really care. I don't listen to what he says even if it was in English.

Walking back into my house, I found Karen wondering what to cook for me. Oh, dear Lord, no! I quickly came up with an excuse.

"Uh, well... I already ate... At... The inn! Uh, yeah..."

She pouted, but let me go to sleep in safety. And that ends a day of strangeness. I swear, when I get that Mythic Axe... Not even the cows can resist! Muhahahaha!

Er... Never mind that last paragraph... Uh... Good night! Actually it's only 5... Good afternoon, whatever! Go away.


End file.
